Everybody cheats.
I’m not talking Watergate or even Deflategate proportions here, I’m talking about the little fudging we all seem to do from time to time.
Things such as not telling the cashier she gave you too much change back, using your friend’s password to get free Netflix, giving that hotel room towel a new home in your own closet, or claiming your houseplant as a dependent.
Yeah, we all cheat. But are these indiscretions really getting us ahead? Does committing them make us bad people? Is that free towel or free Netflix worth the little white sin? It’s not all so black and white. Morality often isn’t.
I feel like I’ve always tried (at least) to do the right things. “Tried” being the operative word. I’ve certainly failed. Just ask those that I’ve hurt.
But personal relationships aside, when it comes to that little edge you might get by not informing the Wawa cashier she gave you too much change, I usually don’t do that – usually. I also can’t say that I’ve ever taken a towel from a hotel room.
But where has doing these right things got me? A day late and a linen short so it seems.
Or has it?
I remember playing softball in 7th grade and in one game there was a controversy over if I got tagged out while running to second base. The player on the other team was hot on my heels, ball in her mitt, did she touch me in time?
She sure did.
The umpire didn’t see it though. There wasn’t exactly instant replay at middle school softball games circa 1985 so the umpire just straight up asked me, “did she tag you?” I said yes. My perturbed coach said to me “your honesty was nice, but in the future, lie. If they didn’t see it, lie”. My adult coach had told 12-year-old me to lie.
In high school I was dating Satan himself, disguised as my boyfriend, and he had an equally evil cousin who got arrested for stealing. This poisonous snake of a girl stole my identity (as much identity as you can have as a teenager) and tried to pass herself off as me.
The cops came to my house one night because they tracked “her” address. My boyfriend told me to lie and tell them I never met her before even though I had. Why he wanted me to lie I don’t know, some shady reason on his part I’m sure.
I told them the truth though and they realized the mix-up and that was that. Except my boyfriend was furious with me for telling the truth – and I mean furious. I never heard from the cops again, never saw the cousin again.
Luckily I wised up a couple years later and left Satan and never saw him again. A life of misery and misfortune I hope he led since. Yeah, that’s pretty dark, but devils deserve it.
Moving on.
So what did doing the right thing get me in these instances? I got an annoyed coach and a furious boyfriend. Besides not getting to second base and not getting arrested myself, I was also left with feelings of confusion and shame.
Life can feel like an uphill battle of doing the right thing vs. getting ahead.
I used to think that I always seem to lose out even when I try to do the right thing. But that’s not actually true at all.
Maybe I didn’t get to second base in that one meaningless game in 7th grade, maybe my boyfriend was furious at me (he always was anyway so what was the difference) and maybe I’d have two more dollars in my pocket if I took that extra change from the cashier and ran.
But what I did gain was lessons in integrity.
Hey, I’m no fucking angel. I could definitely give more, be more, do more. But I like to think I’m inherently a good person. And maybe at times I feel like I’m not getting anywhere per se, but my soul is. It’s getting to a place of growth, learning – learning from my mistakes and learning from my non-mistakes.
And as it is the season of Thanksgiving, I will say that I am truly thankful for what these lessons have taught me: that integrity and being at peace with who you are in your heart, flaws and all, is what really matters.
Small indiscretions don’t make us bad people, they make us human.
So the next time you feel like life is getting you down and others always seem to be getting further ahead than you, remember that the right thing doesn’t get you nowhere and the wrong thing doesn’t get you somewhere. It’s all not so black and white.
Good people can and do live in the gray.
❤️
CM
11/22/23
