So I’ve written about the Tony Danza Principle many times before. Yeah, it’s a thing. But have you heard of the John Cusack Nudge? Oh you haven’t? Prepare to be enlightened.
So anyone who knows me knows John Cusack has always been my ultimate celebrity crush, my fan-your-face guy. Yep. What if John Cusack came knocking at your door one day Christine? Well, if I hadn’t already fainted, I would be fanning my face with my hand while simultaneously throwing up from shock.
Anyway, get this, he’s having a showing of his movie High Fidelity at a local theater in February with a talk afterwards. The theater is 20 minutes from my house! The man is essentially going to be in my backyard! (20 minutes = backyard) In a million years I would never have thought I’d see the day.
And yes, of course I’m going! Duh!
With my fan-your-face guy being literally so close to home, it got me thinking. I remember one of the first movies I ever saw John Cusack in was Say Anything. Who doesn’t love that movie? If you haven’t seen it, go watch it now, like right now. I’ll wait…
Done?
Okay, now we can move on. So ironically, it’s a RomCom.
I hate RomComs.
But I make an exception for this movie. It’s not the Rom part that enthralled me, or even the Com part. It was one iconic scene that was so inspiring that I still think of it to this day. It’s the part where John Cusack’s character, a 17-year-old Lloyd Dobler, is asked by his girlfriend’s dad what he wants to do with his life. And Lloyd gives one of the most humbly eloquent movie speeches ever:
“I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.”
I was in college when I heard that, and I passionately stated that I wanted to live the rest of my life by that credo. It was the nudge I needed to frame my future.
Then life happened.
Let’s just say that life never goes the way you think, wish or hope it will. My path led me away from this credo many times.
But fast forward to the present day and I’m back on track. The muck of soul sucking jobs, the grind of financially keeping your head above water and the banality of following the herd, all behind me. My life now certainly doesn’t look like most others, and I have John Cusack’s character to thank for it.
I like to imagine present-day Lloyd Dobler as being the head of a national chain of kick-boxing studios, helping people get fit and find their inner strength. Very un-herdesque. I sheepishly like to think that I’m following in Lloyd’s footsteps.
I don’t exactly live a conventional life for a 50-year-old female. I’m single, no kids, no cats (anymore RIP), I work as a server in a restaurant (a career that I chose thank you – Bachelor’s degree and past years of “real world” law firm jobs be damned!) I come and go as I please, spend time on my hobbies, take day trips out and extended couch trips in.
All on my own terms.
I do whatever I want whenever I want (within reason and *cough* legal ramifications aside). I live a life of creativity, freedom and the pursuit of passion. It’s a life I like to think Lloyd Dobler would be proud of.
Okay, okay, so to be fair, I do sell processed things bought elsewhere (food and drink), as a career. You got me. Hey, sorry if I like a roof over my head and food on the table.
But I like to think the root of my career isn’t just putting food in front of people, it’s giving them an experience. (As for those people who don’t think serving is a career, you can go fuck off.)
As your humble server, I’m the point of contact during you and your family’s most precious moments – birthdays, weddings, anniversaries. I always say you might not remember a good server, but you certainly will remember a bad one.
I just try not to be a bad one during the big events in people’s lives. If you forgot me, I did my job. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t push the hard sell on anything (you want the cheap wine, fine by me), processing anything (except your food order) and I’m definitely not the one buying anything. It’s all about experiencing something.
And isn’t that what life is all about?
Isn’t that the message Lloyd was trying to relate to us? Experience, passion and helping others?
Maybe I was always destined to go on this alternative path, or maybe, just maybe, one fateful night, I watched a movie and heard a quote, and it gave me just enough of a nudge to ensure that no matter the detours, that I would always stay true to my passion, my density (*ahem, I mean destiny–Can’t Buy Me Love, anyone?)
That I would stay true to a path that I somehow always knew I was meant to go on. No 2.5 kids or white picket fences on this road. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Someone’s gotta procreate and keep the fence builders in business.
But I credit that speech by John Cusack’s character for keeping me correct amidst the dead-end detours, for nudging me into alignment and helping me to stay on the right path, the path of my true self.
Another quote, by John Cusack himself (not one of his characters) has also tickled my soul. In an interview he was asked why he’s never been married. He said “society doesn’t tell me what to do”.
It sure fucking doesn’t John.
This quote is like a friendly little wink from a good friend saying “hey, remember, it’s okay to do what you want.”
I bet a majority of people would actually agree that society shouldn’t tell them what to do, but in reality, they let it happen anyway.
They live life like doormats.
They lay down and get walked on by what society, spouses, parents even themselves think they should do. I think of this quote when I encounter such doormats, and also when I see myself starting to lay down and give up, when the self-doubt and self-hate start to wear on me.
What do we do with dusty, worn doormats? Well, when we finally get around to noticing them, we pick them up and shake them off. Ah refreshed! But then we lay them right back down where they’ve always been, in the same exact spot, over and over and over again.
Why does nothing change after a good shake we ask? Because we’re still the same doormat, on the same porch, in the same spot, still existing under the soles of others.
So fucking sad.
I don’t know about you but I don’t want to exist under anyone’s soles, feet, authority or beliefs. I don’t want to exist under anything at all. I strive to live my life not above, but outside of all such things.
No matter how I choose to continue to walk on this life path, whether I buy, sell, or process anything, or don’t buy, sell, or process anything at all, I know I won’t do it the way anyone else tells me to. I know I’ll go in the direction that I choose. The direction that John Cusack unknowingly nudged me towards.
And that will make all the difference.*
Thank you John Cusack for the needed kick in the ass.
Maybe I should take up kick-boxing.
❤️
CM
12/9/23
(*A little elbow-nudge-thank-you to our other inspirational friend, Robert Frost. I like to think he’d be okay with me tweaking his line.)
