We say this at work on slow days with no customers – just take the L and chalk this day up to a loss. No customers = no tips = no win. It’s okay, tomorrow is a new day, another chance to get in the game. As for the slow days, just gotta let ‘em go.
People have trouble letting go of things. Why is that? I used to be one of those people.
When I was 13 living in North Carolina my mom threw away my favorite Woody Woodpecker cereal bowl I had since I was little. I was so devastated I went out to the dumpster in our apartment complex and fished it out. True story. WTF is that?
That was me holding on. I hated living in North Carolina, hated everything in my life at that point. That bowl represented happier times from my childhood. I sure as fuck wasn’t about to let those memories waste away at the bottom of a dumpster.
I hoped keeping that bowl would somehow bring those good times back. What 13-year-old me hadn’t learned yet was that I would always have those memories no matter where that bowl ended up. I was afraid because life was changing. But just like time, you can’t stop the steamroller of change.
We fear the “C” word – change. I get it. Change is scary. Fear of change makes us hold onto things, habits, feelings, even people that we don’t need, aren’t good for us. But what are we really holding on to? The past? Comfort? Hurt?
People hold on to hurt a lot. They wait for something to come along and fix it, a magic cure, an apology, a neatly bow-tied gift of closure. More likely than not though, they are waiting for a day that will never come. Yeah, you got hurt, it sucks, super sucks. Newsflash – it’s also going to happen again many more times in your life.
Instead of waiting for some fantastical remedy, take your wrapping paper shreds of hurt, wad them up and let them go – that’s your healing, that’s your closure.
People often hold on to hurt, regret and pain also because that’s what they are used to, what they have become destructively comfortable with over time. “But this is just how it’s always been.”
Why does how it’s always been have to be the way it’s always going to be? Humans are creatures of habit, many habitually doubting themselves, doubting they can live in the absence of these long-held, internalized feelings. Their doubt makes them afraid of living any other way.
That’s the grip of fear talking.
What if we tried and loosened our clenched fists? What if we let go of feelings like guilt and resentment? Let go of grudges? Let go of bad habits? Let go of people who suck our energy? Let go of self-doubt and the “shoulda, woulda, couldas”?
What if we let go of the cereal bowls of life?
We need to clear out the clutter in order to make room for new and better things to enter. Change can’t occur in stagnation. And we don’t learn or grow in a mess of sameness.
And that’s the whole fucking point of why we are here – to learn and grow.
So how do you start the cleaning process of letting go? As with most things, easier said than done. Start small, maybe just thinking about how it might feel to sweep away those thoughts and feelings which take up unnecessary space in your mind. Visualize a fresh space free of that which doesn’t serve you. Imagine yourself being forgiving and forgiven. Envision being unburdened, lightened, free.
Embrace not being afraid.
The mind is a powerful thing.
So is Google. A little GTS (Google That Shit) and you’ll find various ways to initiate “letting go”. You could write down what is burdening you and burn it. Go further and take the paper ashes and spread them out in nature. You could plant something to represent new growth within yourself. Or you could burn sage to cleanse your energy and release what or who you don’t need anymore.
I’m still working on trying to get the win myself in this game of letting go. Getting there. Baby steps are better than no steps at all. I’ll keep trying. The older I get though the more afraid I am of not taking a chance than holding on.
And yes you got me, I still do have that Woody Woodpecker cereal bowl. It means something different to me now. Instead of holding on to the past, it’s more of a reminder of all that has changed since then, and how grateful I am for all that that change has taught me.
I think of that desperate, scared girl jumping into a dumpster trying to recapture the past.
I picture letting go of that heartache like blowing on a dying dandelion.
Poof.
Gone.
Free.
CM
3/24/23
