So I was driving home from work tonight just thinking how thankful I am to have such a great job that I do indeed love. How many people can say that?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been through my share of soul-sucking, spirit-crushing jobs with Lord Vader at the helm. Nothing like having the dubious distinction of working for The Emperor & Associates at Death Star Towers.
But suffering through those awful jobs brought me to where I am today. I am lucky. I found a hidden gem.
Someone told me that years ago when I was job searching. I was pretty down thinking I wouldn’t find “that” place in Pennsylvania that was as great as the restaurant I left in Colorado. He said don’t worry, you’ll find a great place, that “hidden gem”. And I did. It is “hidden” too. So many people say they drove right by it and missed the sign, never knew it was there. I know. Took me a while to find it too.
So here I am, grateful to have found my Endor (the Ewoks home if you don’t recall. What a cool spot. Who wouldn’t want to live in a beautiful forest with a bunch of teddy bears running around!) Thankful the days of complete job-loathing and abject poverty are behind me (well, they were until 2020, thanks for nothing Restaurant-Industry-Destroying-Covid). Hey, my restaurant is at least still open and I’m still employed so I absolutely cannot complain. Again, lucky. God bless my other restaurant brethren who haven’t been so fortunate.
So I was thinking about money, or temporary lack thereof, and remembered a stash of money I had set aside a few years ago that I had planned to donate; though my stellar procrastination skills have thus far impeded that idea from coming to fruition. I thought hey, I could always use that money if another lockdown were to happen and I got really stuck. Then I thought no, that’s not what I had planned to use that money for. I can’t use it for myself.
I need to use it for the original purpose I had intended–to pay it backward.
Yep, backward. That’s not a typo. Paying it backward is my own concept of thankfulness, gratitude, benevolence.
We all know what pay it forward means. Pay it forward denotes the concept of future–you do something nice for someone in the hopes that that someone in the future (even 2 minutes into the future maybe with a cup of coffee) will in turn do something nice for another someone. Pay it forward looks ahead. I love the concept of pay it forward, who doesn’t? (Well, maybe a select heartless few like say oh I dunno, Emperor Trump?)
I witnessed the pay it forward concept recently at my local Wawa. Warmed my heart when I saw that man buy that lost-wallet-woman her groceries. Made me think I need to create my own pay it forward moment and finally donate that long tucked away cash to an animal charity.
But the intent behind this impending donation of course isn’t solely so poor animals can buy their animal friends a latte. It’s more of a symbol of gratitude, veneration, appreciation – a simple thank you to someone from my past. It’s paying it backward. Pay it backward looks to the past.
So how is donating money to animals a thank you? If you’re confused, it would probably help for me to tell you where the money came from.
If you’ve read anything I’ve previously written, it’s no secret that four years ago I lost someone special. Not just special, extraordinary. Extraordinary in who they were and extraordinary in the impact their life (and death) made on my life.
So after the lightning strike of their passing, I was out of work for several weeks. Hard to go to work when your heart had been ferociously ripped out of you like an attack from the grizzly bear in The Revenant. Hard to work when even taking a shower seemed like a big accomplishment for the day.
So for those not in the restaurant world, (I hope this happens in other workplaces though) when something tragic happens such as long term sickness, tragedy or disability, usually a pool is taken up to help out the beleaguered. After all, we generally don’t get vacation days or personal days. You don’t work, you don’t get paid in our business. Hey, it’s a sacrifice, but it’s worth it.
Well my amazing co-workers started a pool for me and a nice chunk of change was collected. I am truly forever grateful to all of them. I work with some amazing people, many of whom I’ve known for a very long time and have become my family. Again, I am lucky.
So turned out I didn’t even need to use that money after all. My pockets never emptied as much as I had anticipated after being out of work for so long and I never needed to dip into this pot of charitable gold.
So now what? What to do with this enormous act of kindness? I could still save it, boost up my savings account. Maybe invest it? Maybe use it for a downpayment on a new car (haha, yeah right, I’m never getting rid of my beloved Hyundai! When that day does come though that my little red egg and I must part, I hope you will all join me in a moment of silence.)
All of these ideas somehow seemed selfish to me. I can’t really explain why. I just felt since I didn’t absolutely need the money that I shouldn’t keep it. So I decided I would donate it. But donate it where? To who? For what?
The answer was clear–a tiger rescue. He loved tigers, not sure why but hey we all have a spirit animal. There is actually is a tiger rescue in upstate Pennsylvania, T&D’s Cats of the World. Who knew?
So this spring/summer I will finally go and hand this tiger rescue a nice check. Was going to do it last year, thanks again for nothing Covid. The first couple years, I didn’t want to part with the money. Not that I ever planned on changing my mind about not using it for myself.
Part of it was simple procrastination, but mostly I think I was symbolically holding on to something by keeping it. Knowing it was always there to stare at me every time I checked my account balances was…comforting?
It’s time to let go though. (And time to move on to the next paragraph as I feel a huge digression coming on.)
This money which will now give these tigers a nice steak dinner is paying it backward to my loved one. If I wasn’t going to use the money for myself, then this is what he would have wanted. It’s my way of saying thank you to him. Thank you for being the special soul that you are and for touching all of our lives.
Paying it backward though doesn’t have to be only something done in honor to those that have gone to the other side. You can pay it backward to anyone.
Maybe a friend or family member did a simple favor for you, stood by your side in times of trouble, or provided you with inspiration to try something, do something, achieve something.
Now you don’t necessarily have to give these people cold hard cash to say “thanks for being in my life” and “you’re appreciated”, though I’m sure they may not object 
. A kind gesture like a cup of coffee will work. An ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on can never be underestimated either. Hell, even just saying “hi, how are you” and really, truly meaning the “how are you” part is a way to show you care. That’s all it needs to be.
That’s paying it backward.
This probably all sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo and it is since I just made this whole concept up in my head, but it’s just what has been on my mind lately. Paying it forward or backward or sideways or upside down – doesn’t really matter.
Passing on kindness does.
Let’s hope there’s more of that in 2021.
Happy New Year! (fingers crossed)
CM
1/7/21
If you would like to donate to the above-mentioned tiger rescue:
T&D’s Cats of the World – Penn’s Creek, PA
Other tiger rescues:
Western Pennsylvania Wild Animal Orphanage
169 Shepard Lane
Uniontown, PA 15401
(724) 437-7838
Black Jaguar White Tiger Foundation – Mexico
https://www.blackjaguarwhitetiger.org/y
