I was angry today, Monday. Kinda woke up in a bad mood for no particular reason. Things in life have been going okay lately I guess but for whatever reason I woke up on the wrong side of the bed as they say, whoever the fuck they is. These “they” people seem to know a lot.
Then as the day went on I got angrier, mostly because I was mad at myself for being angry in the first place. Dissect that one. I tried to ignore it, think positive, but emotions sometimes get the better of you. Work, people, life – sometimes it all just feels so frustrating, so exhausting.
Today made me think of a quote from Yoda, “fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering”. So fucking wise that Yoda.
Besides the excuse that a right and wrong side of the bed even exists, I thought, why am I angry in the first place? Where did it come from? More precisely, what place of fear did it come from?
It came from a place of past hurt and pain, from a fear of rejection, a fear of not being enough, a fear that even if I am enough that no one will want my enough. It came from my self-loathing. Days like these make you just want to go hide in a corner.
What do scared, cornered animals do? They lash out, in supposed anger. But it’s not anger that makes their claws come out, it’s fear.
And put in a corner long enough, you learn to hate who put you there, even if it’s yourself.
And as Yoda so profoundly advises us, we know where hate gets you.
I saw this whole trickle down effect unfold today before my eyes and yet all my internal monologue could not stop the trickle from turning into a deluge.
You are your own worst enemy. It’s not the bed, or the situation or the circumstance or any other person that turned my fear into anger then to hate then to suffering.
It was me.
It was me going against the Jedi way. Yeah yeah, call the Jedi way fiction, but aren’t all movies really just embellishments of reality? They all stem from some kind of truth.
Is the idea of intergalactic spaceships really that crazy? We’ve already been to the moon and have sent ships of sorts to Mars and planets beyond.
Is the idea of aliens that crazy? Here on Earth a new species was just discovered in the Amazon jungle, something we’ve never seen before. Is it that outrageous to think there aren’t other beings on other planets that we’ve never seen, what we would call “aliens”?
So yeah, the Jedi way doesn’t sound crazy to me at all. It’s simply a philosophy of peace, compassion and selflessness through connecting with The Force.
Saying to someone “may The Force be with you” isn’t reciting fiction. What you’re really saying is may the energy of the Universe be with you. As Yoda says, “for my ally Is The Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”
Yoda is talking about what my acupuncturist says is called Qi (pronounced chee). It’s been a foundation of Eastern Medicine for thousands of years.
Qi is energy, The Force, it flows within all of us. Acupuncture works because it balances Qi.
I am a testament to the validity of acupuncture. I call my acupuncturist my guardian angel. She’s fixed things on me that Western medicine would have had me on 12 different drugs for. When my Qi is out of balance, she rights it.
Just because you can’t see, feel, hear or taste something, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Qi, energy, The Force, whatever you call it, it’s real.
Where George Lucas got his idea for The Force and everything else in Star Wars I have no idea, but I admire the shit out of his creativity.
I imagine that in a past life he was a doctor of Eastern medicine and he unknowingly drew from this experience to write Star Wars. Who could just automatically come up with all this shit out of nowhere?
Or maybe George Lucas is an actual alien sent here to educate us stupid humans on how to be a better society? If George Lucas is actually a being from a galaxy far far away and that galaxy has Porgs and Ewoks, then I’m fucking jealous. Those things are cute as shit.
And what I wouldn’t give to live in an Ewok tree village.
But in all the fantasy of Porgs, Ewoks, light speed and light sabers, George Lucas’ basic principle of The Force is something we can learn tangible lessons from.
We could all stand to live life a little more like Jedis who study The Force.
Jedis don’t let fear, anger or hate take over. Just ask Anakin Skywalker how that road goes. I certainly don’t want to end up wearing a giant black mask that if removed would kill me. The road of the black mask no one wants to go down.
But I saw myself going down that road today in my head, letting all these negative emotions overtake me.
That’s not how I want to live. I want to live in the light and be a light to others. “Jedis are selfless, they only care about others” – Anakin Skywalker, before he turned to the dark side.
I need to embrace more of the sage Jedi advice. “You will only find what you bring in.” – Yoda
I brought in negative emotions today and that’s what I got in return. So much so that I overwhelmed myself and decided the only way to purge this negativity was to write it all down when I got home from work.
So here I am, trying to work it out, analyze it, understand it, so I don’t make the same mistake again. “If no mistake you have made, losing you are. A different game you should play.” – Yoda.
Guess I’m in the right game at least. Though I’m not playing it well. Because I’m not playing the way a Jedi would. Today at least, I played the way the dark side would, with negativity, and I lost. Nothing bad happened per se, but I don’t feel good about myself, and that’s a big loss.
Funny, my horoscope today said I need to align, accept things as they are, let them play out as they will and trust that the Universe has the best laid plans for me. I essentially need to do a trust fall with the Universe.
Lesson learned. Good one Universe. You got me today. I’ll try to be better tomorrow.
Hold up, wait a minute, scratch that.
As Yoda would say, “No! Try not! Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
So don’t just try, do, do your best my young Padawans.
And may The Force be with you.
❤️
CM
12/4/23 – holy shit, just realized the date I’m writing this, December 4th, seven months after May the 4th be with you. Swear to God I did not plan this. A sign from The Force? Hmm…
