Why does it seem like I’m never done? Done with chores, done with errands, done with being productive, done with editing. There’s always so much to do.
I don’t know how people with kids do it. I live with just me and I feel like there’s always a looming to-do list. And once it is done, another list replaces it sooner than I can find time to throw the first one away.
I can’t imagine having to tend to little humans’ needs on top of all this doing. If you have a helpful spouse, then hey you’re lucky. Bonus if your kids are helpful. I have neither kids nor a spouse so all this life stuff falls on me. It’s okay, there are pluses and minuses to both.
I especially don’t know how single parents do it. After my parents divorced my mom had to go back to work (it was the 80’s, single income households were common pre-divorce), take care of the house, make sure me and my sister didn’t kill each other, do her homework (she went back to school too) and make time for other family and friends. Phew! How in the fuck did she do all that? Clearly she never slept.
I started thinking about all this because I took six days off of work this week. Before you roll your eyes, no, the time off isn’t for fun in the sun. A little medical procedure this week saw to that. But I thought cool, I’ll have ALL this time to get my to-do list done.
I’m on day 4 and I feel like I haven’t done shit.
Why? Because one cross-off of the to-do list perpetually gets replaced by something else. Daily shit needs to get done – wash the dishes, take out the trash, feed the cat I’m sitting for, pay bills. Okay done.
Now on to things I’ve been putting off. How about that hoodie zipper I was gonna fix? Let’s do that. First, check out some YouTube tutorials on how to do it myself, then off to the store to buy pliers.
This isn’t working. Bought the wrong pliers. Back to the store.
I know, I’ll meal prep for when I go back to work and make something in the crock pot with all this time.
Forgot two ingredients. Back to the store.
Oh yeah, I was gonna fit in some writing today too. Damn.
Where the fuck does the time go?
Maybe I’m not organized enough. Maybe I should just ask someone who knows what they’re doing to fix my zipper. Maybe I’m too forgetful and make too many trips to the store. Maybe I don’t prioritize things enough.
Maybe I’m too hard on myself.
A lot of us are. We complete our to-do list then hurriedly look toward the next one. We don’t sit in the present and appreciate all the check marks.
Maybe that’s how my mom made it through those tough times. The kids are alive today? Check. The rest of the list will be there tomorrow.
Going over these last four days I guess I have done a lot. I wrote and edited three pieces, got all my necessary chores done, and the cat is still alive. Check, check, check.
So it seems I’ve been waiting for a day that will never come – the day everything is done. It will never all be done. Work, chores, productivity, self-improvement – that’s just life.
Don’t know why I feel the need to have all these things done before I can relax, let alone have some play time. Self-imposed restrictions? Self-imposed inadequacy? Self-imposed punishment is more like it.
*Note to self: add “make a therapist appointment” to the to-do list.
I guess all we can do is try as best we can. Get done what shit we can in a day and move on without too much self-berating and without giving ourselves a complex.
So if you feel like you’re never getting enough shit done, stop and look at what you’ve already accomplished. It’s probably more than you think, and more than you give yourself credit for.
Life is hard enough, don’t beat yourself up.
And if you can fit it in, add to the list “brighten someone’s day”, even if it’s the cashier at Wawa.
Actually, put that one at the top of the list.
And done.
CM
3/3/23
