Ego vs. Self-Respect

Blurry is the line between ego and self-respect.  Worse than the fog outside my window this morning. So what prompted me to write about this existential face-off of good vs. evil?  Hanging out at a dive bar on a Tuesday at 10 am of course.

I don’t like to think of myself as a degenerate (not often at least), but once a year you need a good ol play hooky day that takes you into another world, aka the dive bar down the street.  My excuse was I had a doctor’s appointment earlier that morning and I reasoned that a couple drinks with my partner-in-crime would calm my nerves.  

Forgot I even had nerve endings at all by the time we left.

Anyway, we got talking to the bartender.  She said she’s a medium.  Of course she is.  Only we would run into a shot and beer slinging medium on a random Tuesday morning.  

She was regaling us with stories about her lazy, insecure ex and how one day she decided she had had enough and walked out.  Good for her.   

I told her it was great that she respected herself enough to leave and not tolerate his behavior.  She said his ego was the main problem.  

He couldn’t deal with her having her own life outside of their relationship.  He would just stay home playing video games all day, barraging her with texts and calls to see what she was doing and when she was coming home.  She wasn’t running around on him, she was just working, living.  

His ego had trouble accepting her independence.  Her self-respect couldn’t accept his not accepting.  

Ego is the devil on your shoulder and self-respect is the angel.  

Ego puts itself first, always.  It doesn’t care that your significant other is at work, spending time with friends, or enjoying their favorite hobbies.  It only sees that the other person is doing these things without you.  Ego feels left out.  It wants attention, no matter the effect on the other person.  

All ego cares about is itself.  Protect it at all costs.  Even the cost of a relationship.  

Ego is necessary though.  You want to learn to take care of yourself and not go flitting through life like a meek church mouse afraid of getting stepped on right?  

But ego is slick.  It will make you think that dumb things are important and that important things are dumb, whatever is necessary to get it what it wants.  It will even make you think incessant, annoying phone calls to your spouse while you’re sitting home on your lazy ass are necessary.  

Self-respect on the other hand, isn’t immature.  It helps you take care of yourself but it’s more aware of the effect your actions have on other people.  It knows when to be patient and it also knows when you need to step up, speak out and fucking say “enough!”

We all have this battle in relationships.  What is the line between tolerant and intolerant?  Giving and taking?  Needing and accepting?  It’s all so foggy.  

I’ve lost relationships because of my ego.  It made me think dumb things were important, like whoever reaches out first after a fight loses.  

Head-smackingly dumb shit like that. 

Thanks a lot devil.  

In my last relationship I remember one time saying to myself “I’m gonna end up alone with my ego.”  

And look where he and I are now–on two different planes of existence.  

I hate when I’m right (such an ego thing to say).   

But a self-respect thing to say is what can I take away from this painful lesson?  It says all was for naught if you don’t try and become a better person out of it.  That’s the only thought that helps keep your head up some days.  

So I’ll keep trying to respect myself, keep telling my ego to fuck off when it gets too needy and keep trying to be an overall better person.

Life is short, don’t waste it on dumb shit.

Lesson learned.  Thank you shoulder angel.

CM

3/2/23